Secrets
by purpleishpanda
Summary: 16 year old Meredith Grey has a secret. Trigger warning: has to do with eating disorders! I suck at summaries! I don't own Grey's.
1. Chapter 1

I've been thinking about writing a story like this for awhile, so here's the first chapter. I hope you like it!

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><p>"Hey, Meredith," said Izzie as she sat down at the lunch table. Meredith looked up from the book she was reading for English class. "Oh, hi." Izzie wore a teal, flower printed top and blue skinny jeans with silver, open toed high heeled shoes. Her golden, curly hair reached down to her shoulders. For make up, she had on shiny lip gloss and a little bit of brown eyeliner. She would wear mascara, but she didn't need it since her eyelashes were already so long and beautiful. To top it all off, she had an amazing curvy body with tan skin.<p>

Meredith, on the other hand, wore black skinny jeans and black tennis shoes with a plain white t-shirt. Her wavy blonde hair went down to the middle of her back. She had on tons of black eyeliner and mascara. She had a skinny figure and wore a fake smile on her face.

"Where's Alex?" Izzie asked, hoping her boyfriend hadn't ditched school again. Meredith shrugged and bit into her apple just as Addison and Derek walked up. "Hey guys, what are we talking about?" Asked Derek, sitting down and putting his tray down on the table. Addison did the same. "We were wondering where Alex was," Meredith said, then glanced at Addison and said awkwardly, "Umm, I'm gonna go get a soda." She stood up and walked away from the table, trying to get away from Derek and his perfect girlfriend.

"She hates me," Addison stated once Meredith was out of earshot.

"She doesn't hate you," Derek said, sighing.

"Yes she does."

"No she doesn't."

"Then how come whenever she sees me she finds any excuse to get away from me?" Addison demanded. Derek sighed and glanced at the clock on the cafeteria wall, wondering how long the argument was going to last today. For the past three weeks Addison hadn't shut up about how Meredith "hated her" and how she "didn't know what she did to make Meredith act this way toward her" and how she "wished they could just be friends and get along".

"Addison… Meredith hasn't known you for that long. It takes her a while to get used to people. She's known me, Izzie, Alex and Cristina since second grade. Soon enough she'll decide she wants to be friends with you, too."

Addison sighed, defeated, as Alex, George and Cristina walked up. Izzie smiled when she saw her boyfriend taking a seat next to her. "Hey babe! I thought you ditched school again! I thought I was gonna have to call you up later to yell at you," Izzie joked.

"Well, I was gonna just sleep till 2, but this dork over here basically forced me to get up by blowing up my phone," said Alex, nodding his head at George and smirking.

"You're gonna be in school till you're 40 if you don't start coming in more often," Meredith said, sitting back down next to Cristina. "You say you hate teachers and learning and reading so much, but yet you never get your work done. Maybe if you tried harder, you could pass and be done with all of this. Just saying," Meredith shrugged, then began eating.

"I can't decide who you sound like more, my mom or Izzie," Alex said as Izzie gave him a gentle smack on the head. Meredith barely payed attention to that last comment, since she'd been busy shoveling food into her mouth. She looked up and realized everyone had been looking at her strangely. "Dude, slow down," Alex said.

Meredith blushed and glared at him. "First of all I'm not a dude," she said, rolling her eyes. "And second of all, I skipped breakfast since I was running late. Excuse me for being hungry. Plus, the bell's gonna ring soon, and you know, I don't want to waste anything," she added awkwardly, shrugging.

"I'm just saying, don't choke to death on your food. How do you eat that much and still stay so skinny?" Meredith shrugged and looked down, blushing again.

"It's so not fair," Izzie added into the conversation. "I wish I could eat that much and still look good! Seriously, I mean, you're so thin and I was starting to worry that maybe you'd stopped eating, but I guess I don't have to worry about that," Izzie said, half jokingly.

Meredith forced a smile to hide whatever she was feeling. She couldn't tell if it was anger or fear or what. "Ha, yeah, no. I wouldn't do that…"

Izzie smiled. "Good, no one should do that, you can really hurt yourself that way. Now come on, guys, the bell's gonna ring and we have math next. You know Ms. Smith will kill us if we're late," she said to Meredith and Cristina.

"Yeah, I'll be right behind you, I just have to use the bathroom first," said Meredith. Cristina and Izzie nodded and headed off to class.

Meredith walked into the bathroom, looking towards the door to make sure no one was coming in. This was the first time she'd done this in school and she had to be as quiet as possible. After eating like that, she knew she had to get it out. If she didn't, she'd be fat. She knew that.

She walked into the last stall on the left and locked the door, praying that no one walked in. Then she started doing what she'd been doing at least three times a week since the beginning of the year after noticing how skinny and pretty everyone was. She knew she had to do something to be just like all the other girls. If she were that skinny, she'd be so happy.

Meredith put her left hand on her stomach and gently pushed on it. Her middle and index finger on her right hand went down her throat. She squeezed her stomach, trying to get the food up more easily. She wiggled her fingers around, and about a minute later the food came up. She repeated this procedure for ten more minutes until everything was out of her stomach. She flushed the toilet and thanked God nobody heard her.

She looked at the clock above the door and was shocked to see she was already 15 minutes late for class. 'Shit,' she thought as she rushed to the sinks and quickly washed her face and hands. When she was finished she pulled open the bathroom door and ran out to the hall, bumping right into Miranda Bailey, the school principal.

'Fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life!' Meredith thought as she smiled nervously. "H-hi, Principal Bailey! I was just getting to class. So if you don't mind I'll just be on my way…" She started walking away then stopped at the sound of her principal's voice.

"Not so fast, Ms. Grey," Bailey said, glaring at her. "What exactly were you doing in the bathroom for fifteen minutes?"

"Umm…" Meredith said as she tried to think of a believable story to tell the annoyed woman. "Well… I have a sick relative in the hospital, and I was just calling my mother to check in and make sure everything's okay." 'Wow! Where did that come from?' Meredith said, impressed at how good she suddenly got at lying.

Principal Bailey still looked a little bit suspicious, but said, "Alright. You know you're not supposed to use your cell phone in school. Next time go to the main office and use the phone in there. You may go to class." Meredith nodded and thanked her. "And Meredith," Bailey said, causing Meredith to turn around. "I better not find out you were doing something you're not supposed to be doing in there."

"Of course not," Meredith said, then rushed to class.

By the time Meredith had gotten to math class, it was already half over. "Thank you for joining us, Meredith," her teacher said annoyingly. "Sorry," Meredith said, then took a seat in the back of the room with Cristina and Izzie.

"Jesus, what were you doing in there?" Cristina whispered.

"I had to make a phone call."

"One that lasted for half an hour? Who were you talking to? You got a boyfriend that I don't know about?"

"It was my mother. I have a who's relative in the hospital. They'll be okay though," Meredith said, giving her best friend the same load of shit she gave her principal. Cristina nodded and turned her attention to the teacher.

"Hey, you okay? You look pretty tired. And pale," Izzie noticed, reaching out her hand to feel her friend's forehead. Izzie was known to act like a mother to her friends.

"I'm fine," Meredith assured her.

"You sure? If you're not feeling so hot I'll walk you the nurse after class," Izzie offered.

In all honesty, Meredith was feeling a little dizzy. It was nothing, though. She just felt like that sometimes after she was done throwing up, but it was worth it.

"Really, I'm fine. I just didn't get that much sleep last night," Meredith lied.

Izzie shrugged. "Well, okay then," she said, then looked up at the board.

Meredith began to zone out and realized that people would be asking her a lot of questions, and she would have to get used to telling a lot of lies.

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><p>How is it so far? Should I continue? I was hesitant to write this, because I wasn't sure if it would turn out good or not. Constructive criticism is welcomed! Please leave a review, I love them!<p>

P.S. If I do continue it might take a while because I'm working on a few other stories, also this took me 3 days to write when usually I can write a chapter in an hour (short chapters, but still chapters).


	2. Chapter 2

That night Meredith sat in her room alone, watching TV. The show she was watching had a girl with blonde hair, tan skin, beautiful curves and a pretty face. 'It's not fair… I wish I was her…' Meredith thought. She was so frustrated that everyone around her was so perfect.

She used to call herself fat and ugly in front of other people, but gave up because it didn't help at all. It just made her seem like an attention seeker. Whoever heard her call herself things like that would get annoyed and try to convince her she's not, which just made Meredith mad. Why did people lie to her? It's not like she didn't know she was hideous.

A sudden temptation came over her. Her mom wouldn't be home until twelve, and it was only 8:00. She walked out to the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out 3 huge leftover pancakes and a bottle of diet coke. Then she opened the freezer and took out some vanilla ice cream.

She went to the pantry and took out chips and cookies, and syrup for the pancakes.

Then she sat down at the table and looked over all the food she was about to eat. 'I'm so fat.' She began to gorge herself. She ate half a tub of ice cream. She ate the entire bag of cookies. The pancakes were gone and so were the chips.

By the time she was done, she could barely walk. It hurt to breathe. She feared her stomach would rupture if she didn't puke immediately. Walking into the bathroom, she took a quick look in the mirror and turned away in disgust. 'Fatass! You're so ugly. You don't deserve to live. You're worthless.'

She leaned over the toilet and stuck her fingers down her throat, gagged, and watched everything come back up. It took about an hour to get it all up. When she was finished, Meredith lay on the floor, exhausted. She forced herself up to go rinse out her mouth and walked her face and hands. She stepped on the scale. 108.2 pounds. Last time she measured herself she was 5'3. Yup, she was definitely too fat.

Sighing, she cleaned up the mess she made in her dining room and made her way back to her bedroom. Picking up her phone she realized she had 5 new text messages.

From: Izzie (8:16 p.m.): Hey Mere! What's up?

From: Cristina (8:20 p.m.): I'm bored, entertain me.

From: Izzie (8:30 p.m.): Helloo? Earth to Meredith!

From: Cristina (8:32 p.m.): Answer me!

From: Derek (8:54 p.m.): Hey Mere, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with everyone Friday? Could be fun.

Meredith began to reply to everyone, even though she figured Cristina and Izzie wouldn't answer her now that she made them wait almost an hour.

To: Izzie (9:15 p.m.): Hey, sorry, didn't feel my phone vibrate when you texted me. I'm just watching TV, how about u?

To: Cristina (9:16 p.m.): Ok pushy, I'm answering you :p what's up?

To: Derek (9:17 p.m.): Sounds cool. But who's everyone?

2 minutes later, Derek texted her.

From: Derek (9:19 p.m.): Just everyone who we usually hang out with, maybe a few other people. So far the people who are definitely going are me, Izzie, Cristina, Alex and Addison. (I know Addison isn't your favorite, but just be nice, ok?)

Meredith raised her eyebrows at Derek's last comment. It wasn't that she didn't like Addison, she just didn't know her that well, and felt awkward around her. Plus, Addison always seemed so perfect that it made Meredith self conscious whenever she was around.

To: Derek (9:21 p.m.): Ok, sounds good, I'll be there. Also, what do you mean Addison isn't my favorite? We aren't all the close but I still think she's nice.

From: Derek (9:23 p.m.): Well, in that case, could you try to be more friendly with her? Just talk to her more often. She thinks you hate her.

To: Derek (9:25 p.m.): I don't hate her. I don't think I even know her enough to hate her. I guess I could try to talk to her more. I'm gonna go, I'm really tired. See you tomorrow.

From: Derek (9:26 p.m.): Ok. Goodnight.

Meredith plugged her phone into its charger, then turned off her TV and switched off the light. As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered how much longer she'd be able to keep this up without getting caught.

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><p>How was that? I'm hoping the next chapter will be more interesting. I'm almost done writing it so I'll update probably tomorrow or the next day. Leave a review! They motivate me!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday and Thursday dragged by. Finally is was Friday and Meredith was in her room, brushing her hair. Her mom had agreed to let her go to the movies and give her a ride. "Meredith, are you almost ready?" her mother called, knocking on the door.

"Almost, Meredith replied, stroking on some lip gloss. She didn't wear it often but since she was actually going somewhere other than school, she figured, why not. Putting down the tube of lip gloss, she opened her bedroom door and walked out. She was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, a green band t-shirt, and her usual black tennis shoes.

She walked out to the car, where her mom was waiting. The drive to the movie theater was awkward, since Meredith and her mother didn't have much to talk about. Her mom was always out and she was always at school so they didn't really get to spend quality time together. When they arrived Meredith quickly said, "Thanks mom," and got out of the car.

She walked into the theater and looked around for Derek or Izzie or someone. No one was in sight. She looked at her cell phone for the time and realized she was 20 minutes early. She sat down on the squishy bench near the doors and waited.

About 5 minutes later she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned around, expecting to see Cristina or Izzie or Derek, but the person standing there in a black skirt, black high heels and a red frilly shirt was none other than Addison Montgomery.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked with a small smile. Meredith returned the smile and shook her head no. "Nope, feel free to sit. It'll be at least ten more minutes till everyone else shows up." Addison nodded and sat down.

"So…how have you been?" she asked awkwardly, since she didn't really know what else to say.

"I've been good, how about you?" Meredith sounded and felt just as awkward.

"I'm good, thank you."

There were five more minutes of silence before Derek showed up. "Hey Meredith, hey Addison," he said, leaning down to kiss his girlfriend on the cheek. As he did that, Alex, Izzie, and Cristina walked up, plus Arizona, Callie and Mark, which were more of Addison and Derek's friends than anyone else in the group.

"Ok, so this is everyone? Cool, let's get our tickets and everything." After everyone had bought their tickets, Alex asked, "Who wants popcorn?"

"Me!" Izzie and Cristina said simultaneously.

"Me, too," said Derek.

"Ooh, I want gummy worms," Arizona told Callie, her girlfriend. "So do I," Agreed Callie.

Everyone got some type of food except for Meredith, and that didn't go unnoticed. "Why aren't you getting anything, Mere?" Izzie asked.

"Umm, I'm not hungry."

"But you haven't eaten since Monday!"

"Yes I did."

"I didn't see you eat."

By now everyone was paying attention to Meredith and Izzie's argument.

"If you stop eating, you'll lose your period and never be able to have kids," Cristina mentioned. Meredith glared at her. "Thank you, for that," Meredith said, annoyed. "Just saying," Cristina shrugged.

Alex was getting fed up. "Just get something Meredith. Or, as we all know, Izzie won't let it go." Meredith sighed dramatically and went to go get popcorn and a medium diet coke. "Happy?" Meredith said sarcastically, looking at Izzie.

Izzie shrugged and nodded. "Okay. Then let's go to our movie before it starts." Everybody walked into the theater and sat down. It was practically empty, which was good, since they were in a fairly large group.

20 minutes into the movie, Arizona and Callie were making out, Mark was watching the movie, occasionally glancing at them for his own pleasure, Alex and Izzie were also making out, Cristina was watching the movie, though she seemed bored of it, Derek had his arm around Addison as they watched the movie, and Meredith was focusing on getting rid of all her food. She ate as fast as she could, hoping no one was giving her weird looks.

When she finished, she got up to go to the bathroom, but Derek stopped her. "Where are you going?" he asked, which caught the attention of Addison. "Oh, just to the bathroom, I'll be right back." As Derek nodded, Meredith walked out of the theater and into the bathroom, which was empty, thank God. She tried to throw up, but nothing would come up. After a minute of just gagging, panic came over her as she wiggled her fingers in the back of her throat. She squeezed her stomach as hard as she could, until she thought it would pop if she wasn't more gentle.

Finally some food came up. It kept coming up in small mouthfuls. It hurt a little bit and was really annoying, but she continued to puke anyway.

Derek turned to his girlfriend. "Addison," he whispered. She looked at him. "Yes?"

"Meredith's been gone for almost 25 minutes. Could you go check to see if she's okay?"

"Umm…are you sure she'd want me to go? Why don't you ask Izzie or Cristina?"

"No, you're closer to the door. And Meredith won't mind."

Addison shrugged. "Well okay, I guess."

"Thank you," Derek said, then stood up to let Addison out. As Addison walked into the bathroom she heard gagging sounds coming from one of the stalls. "Meredith?" she looked to the last stall on the left, where the sounds were coming from.

'Damn it! This is just what I need,' Meredith thought as she heard Addison calling her name. "Just a second!" Meredith said, wiping her face and hands before flushing the toilet. Unlocking the stall door, she walked out and faced the slightly older girl.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked, concerned.

"Yeah," Meredith said, hoping she wouldn't get any more questions.

"Really? Because it sounded like you were throwing up in there."

"Yeah, I think I've got the flu or something," Meredith lied.

Addison's expression turned from concerned to sympathetic. "If you're not feeling well, I can take you home," the redhead offered.

"I don't want to take you away from the movie. And what about Derek?" Meredith replied, walking to the sink.

"The movie's kind of boring me. Derek won't mind if I leave. Really Meredith, it's no problem."

"Okay," Meredith finally agreed. The only thing she could do know is pretend to actually be sick, it's not like she could make a miraculous recovery.

Addison nodded. "I'm gonna go let everyone know we're leaving."

"I'll go too," Meredith decided. They both walked back to the theater towards Derek. "Hey, I'm going to take Meredith home, she's not feeling great." Derek looked over at Meredith. "You okay, Mere?"

"I'll be fine. I just need to sleep... See you Monday."

"Okay. See you. Feel better."

"Thanks," Meredith answered, feeling guilty for lying to Derek and Addison.

With that Meredith and Addison left the movies and walked towards Addison's car.

So… Is it bad? Good? Great? Leave a review! Sorry if it's graphic at times, (aka when Meredith is vomiting) I'm just saying it how it is for me a lot of the time.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks everyone for reviewing!

Ok I'm gonna write this on the actual story for once:

Disclaimer: I do not own this amazing show or any of the characters.

Now on with the story!

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><p>Meredith stepped into Addison's car and sat down in the passenger seat. "You okay?" asked the redhead as she put her car key into the ignition. Meredith nodded. "Okay, well…if you feel nausous or anything during the ride, just say so, I'll pull over."<p>

Addison's sympathy and kindness made Meredith feel guilty on so many levels. As they drove away from the movie theater, Addison spoke again. "I'll need directions to your house…"

"Oh, right," Meredith said, feeling stupid for not thinking of that before. She proceeded to tell Addison how to get to her house. When she was done talking, Meredith stared straight ahead at the road. She couldn't decide what bothered her more, the fact that she wasn't done puking, or the fact that she'd been caught.

Or maybe what was really bugging her was that she hadn't told the truth when deep down inside she knew that she didn't want to be alone with this anymore. She wanted to tell Addison what was really wrong, but she couldn't, not here, not now. Meredith felt like she could trust Addison, but she already felt too guilty for lying in the first place, taking Addison away from her boyfriend, making her drop her off at her house. Even if she really didn't mind.

Meredith was tired of having no one to talk to, keeping her secrets locked up inside. Guilt was eating away at her. she felt guilty for lying so much, guilty for wasting food and money, guilty for ruining her body. She couldn't stand it. she had to tell someone.

'Ok, that's it,' Meredith thought. 'No more being completely alone, I'm going to say it, she'll be shocked, but I know she won't tell anyone. I'm going to say it, right now.'

Meredith took a deep breath and started to talk.

"Addison?" she said nervously.

Addison glanced at her. "Yes?"

Meredith paused.

"…My street is that way."

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><p>Sorry this update is short. I'll start writing the next chapter tonight and try to make it longer. Please review!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own this sexy ass show or any of the characters on it. So sad!

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><p>On Monday Meredith went to school as usual, got through the first half of the day, then went to lunch. At her lunch table sat Izzie, Cristina, Alex, Derek and Addison, and again she also saw Callie, Arizona and Mark. Meredith guessed they'd decided to join her group of friends from now on.<p>

She went up to get her food and then made her way to the table.

"Hey Mer."

"Hi Mer."

"Hi Meredith!"

Her friends greeted her as she took a seat and she smiled at everybody in return. Today her meal consisted of an apple, a sandwich, a small bag of chips and a soda. Normal sized, about 500 calories, but she still planned to throw up afterwards. She barely kept anything down anymore unless she was forced to.

"Hey, you're actually eating today!" Izzie exclaimed, as if it were some kind of miracle.

"I always do, Izzie."

"This is the first time I've seen you eat in a week, you know, besides popcorn the movies."

"Do we really need to have this conversation again?" Meredith said, exasperated. Izzie shrugged in reply.

Meredith sighed dramatically. Since when had Izzie become so worried about her eating habits? She wondered what Izzie would do if she knew about her method of dieting. She would probably worry, and try to help, but mostly worry. Meredith didn't want help or to be worried about at the moment. She just sort of wanted someone to talk to. But would anyone understand? Probably not.

"I'll be back in a minute, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Is that code for 'I have to make a 45 minute phone call'?" Cristina said half jokingly, remembering how long Meredith took in the bathroom last week.

"No, it's code for I have to pee. Be right back." Standing up, she headed toward the door. She walked into the bathroom and into a stall, she hoped this wouldn't take so long.

Addison turned to Derek. "I have to use the bathroom, too. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," Derek said, watching his girlfriend leave.

As soon as Addison walked into the bathroom, she heard someone throwing up and guessed it was Meredith. 'Again? What's wrong with her?' Addison wondered. Just as she was about to ask Meredith if she was okay, she realized what was really going on with Meredith. She had an eating disorder. Addison had suspected Meredith was purposely throwing up at the movies, but didn't know how to ask her about it, so she didn't mention it. but now that it was pretty obvious, so Addison figured she wouldn't have to ask. She didn't know what else to do, so she just leaned against the wall and waited.

Meredith stopped what she was doing and listened. Were those footsteps? She was sure she could sense someone else in the bathroom with her. She grabbed some toilet paper and wiped off her face and hands. As she flushed the toilet, he turned towards the door and thought of who it could be. Was it Principal Bailey? 'If it is, I'll just lie. Easy.'

She stepped out of the stall to see who would be standing there. She gasped slightly when she saw who it was. Addison was standing there, leaning against the wall, looking at Meredith knowingly. Meredith knew she couldn't lie this time, Addison just wouldn't buy it.

"Addison, I- I-…"

"I know."

That was when Meredith knew she had definitely been caught.

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><p>How is it? Shall I go on? Leave a review! And leave me ideas of what you might like to happen later on in the story and I'll see what I can do. Because eventually I'll get writer's block, always happens to me with my stories! I need to learn to think harder.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! I'm back. Sorry, I just wrote this chapter last night so it's super short, but I hope you like it anyway. I've been sooooo busy lately.

I don't own Grey's.

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><p>"Meredith," Addison said gently. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes. She'd expected this question. And she didn't expect Addison to understand, either; she hardly even understood why she was doing it, but she didn't know how to stop, nor did she want to.<p>

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?" Meredith said, instead of answering the question.

Addison stared at Meredith for a while before shaking her head. "It's not my secret to tell."

Merdith nodded and leaned her back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. "How long have you…?" Said Addison, trailing off. Meredith knew what she was trying to ask. "Since, like, September."

Sitting down on the floor next to her, Addison said, "I still don't get why you would want to do that."

Meredith just shrugged, not knowing how to answer in a way Addison would understand.

Addison nodded slowly, studying the blonde. "…Are you okay?" She asked quietly, even though Meredith was clearly not okay.

Meredith hated when people asked that. Why did she care? On the verge of tears, Meredith nodded, afraid that if she talked she'd start to cry.

"Well, if you ever want to talk, don't hesitate to call or text me, okay?" Addison said, grabbing hold of Meredith's small hand. Meredith nodded again and tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Okay."

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><p>Reviews are love!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry this took so long to update! I've been busy with school and was kind of stuck for a while with this story, and like all the other ones because I'm an idiot who can't think :P but school's a pain, so that's the main reason I haven't been updating. Oh how I miss the summer… *sob*

P.S. I wrote most of this at like 1:00 in the morning last night, on a school night, so I hope it's not too off topic or boring..

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><p>Three weeks passed. Meredith felt lost. Her and Addison hadn't talked much about Meredith's eating disorder since the day in the bathroom, but Addison had been giving Meredith worried glances since then. Meredith didn't know what to do. She felt stuck. She didn't know if she wanted to stop what she was doing or not. She didn't know how to stop. She didn't know anything anymore.<p>

Addison had kept her promise about not telling anyone about Meredith's bulimia, but she was beginning to really regret ever making that promise. Meredith looked tired and weak most of the time, and that worried Addison, because she knew it was due to Meredith's eating disorder, not just lack of sleep.

She wished Meredith would stop this and just come to her, tell her everything she was feeling so she could help her. How was she supposed to help Meredith if she wouldn't talk?

Meredith wanted to tell Addison everything, but she found it hard to put her feelings into words. And how was she supposed to tell Addison how she felt if she didn't even know what she was feeling half the time? It confused her, frustrated her. She just wished she were more sure of herself.

Meredith was happy yet she was sad. She wanted to recover but she didn't. What was wrong with her? Was there anything wrong with her at all? She wished she could tell Addison all of this, but she needed to tell her in a way that would make her understand. Or maybe Addison didn't need to understand, maybe just listening would be enough.

At school on a Wednesday morning, Meredith, Cristina, Derek, Addison and George all stood in a group outside, whining about how much school sucked and how they were bored already.

Alex walked up with Izzie by his side. "Guys, my parents are gonna be in Vegas over the weekend, and guess who's throwing a party Friday night?"

"I'm in. what time?" Cristina asked.

"Dude, haven't you ever seen one of those lame teen movies where the kid throws a party when their parents are away? They almost always get caught. And if you get caught, you're screwed," George stated.

"This is real life, dork. Not a movie," Alex started, "And I won't get caught. My parents are the most clueless people ever. Come on, it'll be awesome," he urged.

George paused. "Fine, I'll be there."

After everyone agreed to go, Alex gave them the details. Soon the bell rang, and everyone groaned and started walking into the building.

On Friday, Meredith was getting ready for Alex's party. It was only 7:00, so she still had half an hour left. "7:30 till whenever," Alex had said.

As she ran a brush through her wavy hair, Meredith tried not to think about how she felt slightly dizzy. She hadn't eaten all during the day.

She put on her make up and glanced at the clock, remembering how Derek and Addison had volunteered to pick her up for the party. She walked over to her window just as they pulled up. Walking quickly down the stairs, she called, "Bye mom, I'm leaving!" She paused. No answer. 'Whatever,' she thought.

Walking out the door, Meredith made sure she had her phone, and smiled at Derek and Addison, who were sitting in the front seats of Derek's car.

"Ready?" Derek asked as Meredith climbed into the back seat. "Yup."

An awkward silence fell upon them until Addison reached forward and turned on the radio. "Do you think there'll be alcohol?" She asked curiously.

"Definitely. This is Alex we're talking about."

"True."

"And even if Alex isn't the one who has it, someone will spike the drinks. It's supposed to be a pretty big party. Plenty of douchebags," Derek added.

Addison laughed and sat back. Meredith laughed silently, but said nothing, feeling awkward. Thank God the ride to Alex's house was only about 15 minutes away.

When they finally arrived, Meredith realized that Derek was right, it was a big party. Cars were lined up all along the side of the road. She could already hear the music blasting, and it was only 8:00.

Derek parked the car and they all walked into the house. "Hey guys, drinks are over there if you want them," Alex said.

"Kind of early for drinking, don't you think?" Derek asked.

"Never too early for drinking!" Exclaimed an already buzzed Cristina.

Derek, Meredith and Addison all walked over to the table that contained food and drinks. Izzie was standing there, talking to an acquaintance from the school. Spotting her friends, she said, "Hi guys!"

"Hey, Iz," Derek said, grabbing a beer from the cooler next to the table.

"Wow, I can't believe everyone's drinking already. The party's been going on for what, 20 minutes?" Izzie said.

"Yeah, but like Cristina said, it's never too early for drinking," Derek said half jokingly, taking a sip of beer.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Izzie asked, noticing how pale Meredith looked.

Meredith nodded, and Izzie said, "I don't want to annoy you, but you should eat something. You're swaying," Izzie pointed out. By then everyone looked concerned and Addison grabbed hold of Meredith's arm to prevent her from falling.

Meredith smiled weakly. "No, I'm ok. I don't really like eating in front of other people," Meredith said, and it was partially true.

Izzie didn't believe her. "At least drink something. Here," Izzie reached into the cooler and grabbed a soda, handing it to Meredith.

Meredith decided not to argue, and just opened it and took a sip as Izzie and Derek continued to talk. She had to admit drinking something made her feel better.

"Are you okay?" Addison asked Meredith. She was still slightly worried.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay," Addison said, though she looked unsure. Meredith gazed at the label on the soda can. '190 calories for one drink? What the shit?' she thought. By then it was almost gone.

She finished off the soda, then glanced at Addison, who was now joining in on Izzie and Derek's conversation. Putting the can on the table, she walked to the bathroom, which wasn't occupied at the moment, so she looked around at everyone enjoying the party, then walked in and shut the door.

Leaning over the toilet, she purged the only thing she had consumed all day, until she was just dry heaving. By the time she was done, Meredith felt dizzy and weak. Flushing the toilet, she leaned up against the bathtub and tried to make the room stop spinning. She felt nauseous.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Oh God, I don't want to move…" Meredith groaned. There was another knock. "Meredith, you in there?"

Addison. "Uh, yeah, hang on!" She unlocked the door, but stood up too quickly and almost fell. "Oh, God, Meredith…" Addison said, grabbing Meredith's small form to keep here from hitting the ground. She noted how pale Meredith was and knew what she had been doing in there.

"I'm ok… I just got dizzy," Meredith said, the room still spinning. Two guys looked in the doorway as Addison helped Meredith, who was shaking slightly, sit down.

"Is your friend okay?" one guy asked. "She'll be fine," Addison said, wanting some privacy.

"She have too much to drink?"

"No…"

"She's pregnant?"

"No! she's just not feeling well."

The two guys looked at each other and shrugged. "Okay."

"Wait here," Addison said. Moments later she returned with a cup of water. "Drink this and you'll feel better," Addison told Meredith, sitting down next to her. As Meredith took a sip, Addison said, "That was annoying. Want to go somewhere more private?" Meredith just nodded, knowing Addison would want to talk.

They walked out to Derek's car and sat down in the front seats.

"Won't Derek wonder where we are?" Meredith asked.

"He's having too much fun drinking. He'll come looking for us eventually, but Meredith, you're obviously not okay. Please talk to me."

Meredith nodded, took a deep breath, and started talking.

* * *

><p>Okay so, hope you didn't die of boredom, please review, give me ideas if you have any, message me, all that stuff! Love ya!<p> 


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